Those Exquisite Forms of Love That Do Not Speak Your Language

Learning about love languages helped me understand myself and my family. But we must think about them wisely.

The challenge and joy of love languages is not in demanding someone else learn to speak my language or manipulating them until they learn to do so. It is in learning how to speak other languages, to receive love in new ways.

How many arguments did my hubby and I have, as he came home from work? He looked at me, looked at the dishes on the counter, and immediately set to washing them. I felt judged, for not having the dishes done. I felt hurt, that those dishes trumped me in importance. I felt angry about both those things!


One day I had enough and we finally had it out. I unloaded all those thoughts, and waited.


His response: “I do the dishes so that they are done, so we can both sit down and relax and enjoy the evening, and you won’t feel like there is work left to do.”


What I saw as an uncaring act, born out of a desire for order that trumped a desire for me, was actually and act of loving service. A little gift to me.


It all made more sense a few years later when I learned about love languages. So many things fell into place. My language: gifts. His language, you guessed it: service.


One thing we must be careful of, however, is that these languages don’t morph info demands.


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